Friday, April 19, 2013

I Surrender






I Surrender…

Earlier usually one thought or event would touch me and it was easy to pen them down onto this blog… But these days so many thoughts and event occur daily…. So much to write and in the end I end up writing nothing…

As I was listening to this hymn today – “I surrender” by Hillsong… I just felt how many times earlier I have told Lord that -  "I surrender my life to you God"… but in reality the very next moment tried to take total control of the situation… it’s like telling God… “Ok God… I guess you need my help… let me take the control”…. Wow… and guess what God does in such situations…. All He says is – “All yours”… and leaves it up to us… and we think ok I had prayed God to take control so it’s He who is doing things that’s going wrong in my life…. But in reality its really us…

When we say to our Lord – “I surrender”… it truly means… Lord I am all yours… I don’t have anything in me to take control… and guess what that’s when God enters in and leads you to places you never dream of… Sounds like a fairy tale right… but trust me its true…

Post wedding… Along with my husband, one who accompanied me as always was God in this foreign land… We build our life around lot of worldly securities…  Money, job, friends, family, savings, property and then comes – God… But when you got to leave everything and everyone behind… the only person who will be with you as always is God… and that’s when you are 100% dependent on Him… that’s a scary but a beautiful feeling… Ya scary because at least I had never put 100% dependency on Him… He existed… but it’s easy to trust God with so many worldly securities surround us… but when all is gone…. That’s when we realize how big our God is… really…

Also feels like God is showing me a mirror… showing me my real self… my fears… all negative qualities in me… its like I am face to face with them…wow… feels like at times we really don’t have time to know ourselves in the running around, busy life… this halt was so much needed…

Indeed now I understand the real meaning of – “I surrender”… not to lean on our understanding but totally depend on God… :) …

Surrendering,
Rashmi

Saturday, April 6, 2013

My Friend




My Friend____________________________________

Long walks,
Oh the endless talks,
My Friend,
Wish it could last, not end…

Your being there,
Everywhere,
My Friend,                                                                   
Wish it could last, not end…

One call,
And rushing to be there,
My Friend,
Wish it could last, not end…

Our teenage cries,
Oh those countless whys,
My Friend,
Wish it could last, not end…

At times,
Letting “the” silence talk,
My Friend,
I know this will last, not end…

PS: Manju this goes for you... and see with a heavy heart I have posted this poem in "Pink"... You fav :p

_____________________________Rashmi (6th April, 2013)

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

I Do








I Do______________________________________

Well well… Mr.Spider Shhhh…. Few days away and you claim possession in my blog… Phew!!!

Ok … now it’s been 2 months here in US… already feels like a year to me… So many twists and turns in such a short span of time can only happen firstly in Ekta Kapoor movies and second mine… ok ok… I know I am exaggerating it way too much… as always… But trust me… life has taken a 360 degree turn…. Ok ok…. 180 degrees as if we talk of 360 degrees I am back to the same position right… oh my god… the techie in me just got alive and killed the writer inside… lol… bhavnaao ko samjho when I say 360 degrees…

To a stupid girl like me… who had started a social service out of her life after working in IT and given all her time…. All her life to work… her weekends to work… her nights to work… and time for herself was null… you now try giving her… all time for herself… she is definitely going to wonder.. What am I going to do with all this time I got in hand…

Lucky me in only one fact that I  am pretty good at many other things apart from work (Well who says that… hmm let me think… arrey me myself… and all those certificates lying in my bag)…

So tried my hands on

#1 -  Painting, sketching, decorating my house… well Samit was almost about to faint when I put up so many small birds on the wall… he said “Chidiya ghar banaya hai”… lol trust me… bt it looks good…

#2 -  Cooking was one domain I was good at… passionate about… but never got the time to do it full time you see… well got many tags recently from my very dear old friends… Housewife… Gharelu ( For those who dont know Hindi... Gharelu means Homely) … Sanjeev Kapoor (Chef)… Wow… new tags… loving it… No offence…initially was hurt but you know when you learn to let go… that’s the time you realize…. Oh my god… I am getting Old… kissi baat ka bura hi nahi lagta… or maybe after working with all weirdo’s and tuff clients for last 5+ years in IT my level to take tags has increased ;)

#3 – Joined a Church... Must tell you heavenly experience… Indeed… Such warm and welcoming people… straight from Heaven… suddenly I feel like am I  the only bad one amongst all… phew… but really some really good elderly couple I met… made me feel… wish all could shower such love and care without asking anything in return… rare to see right in our world these days…

#4 – Further studies – Well thought of joining Creative writing course in New York University… but see my luck… admissions for Fall 2013 is done… and for Fall 2014, applications will be accepted only in Nov 2013… my my that’s a long time right… tho socha kyu na job kia jaaye for a year…

#5 – Job Hunt – My my… my resume rocks in the market… but the not so rocking factor is my visa… H4 people you see… and my luck or bad luck I am standing on the last month to apply for H1B… so consultants who are willing to sponser my visa tell me that the end date is nearing and they have already sent out their list of H1B applicants for this year to embassy already… so down goes my hunt…

In the midst of all this I started thinking… “What do I really wanna do”… you see... when you are confused and you got lotta time on your plate questions like these very naturally pop up ;)… thought to myself… Ministry was one area where in I was interested in and also to goto bible study school…

#6 – Open area is to join Bible Study School…. Have hunted down few universities… Lets see how the hunt goes…

Well apart from all this… getting settled in my new life… new home… new town… new city and above all new country and ya how can I forget… new husband… Samit is going to kill me if he reads this blog… ;)…

Phew…. Wow… 2months … kaafi kuch kia yaar… for all those people who keep asking – “What do you do whole day”… cmon inna saaraa kaam… not a joke ;)

So that’s my journey – “From Corporate to Home”

Beauty of getting a slag time in life is very high… and I am just trying to get its importance lately… just makes you halt for a while… and think… who you are… It reminded me of a question my friend asked me long back…. Long back… Once upon a time…

Question-  Whats – “Rashmi (minus) Work”… and he continued to say… that remove work from your life and what you are left with is “You”… Back then didn’t really understand much…

Back then my answer - Hmm Hmm.. I don't know...

But now – “I do”

_____________________________Rashmi (2nd April, 2013)