One Million Miles

One Million Miles_____________________________

 
I walked the road,
Its familiar,
Indeed,
I know…

I walked the road,
So long ago,
Its familiar,
I know…

I walked the road,
Journey began,
Alone,
I know…

I walked the road,
But one fine day,
Someone joined,
I know…

I walked the road,
One million miles,
Step by step,
I know…

I walked the road,
Same someone,
Left,
I know…

I walked the road,
So much hurt,
Pain,
I (didn't) know…

I walked the road,
But it ended,
Long back,
I thought….

But now,

I walk the same road,
One million miles to go,
Starting with a step or two,
I know...

_________________________Rashmi(3rd November, 2012)

Who to please?

Who to please?

Senses have become numb… To the point that have lost the judegement on which situations to react… and which situation to be patient…

Events that would trigger me earlier… no longer trigger me today… Reached a phase where in I have to now think … ok…. Does this affect me… if yes ok I got to react… Or think… I guess I reacted last time… didn’t work out much in my favour… so rather be quite… which simply means that the event does affect me but I rather chose to be quite and move on with things…

These days I am actually thinking what affects me… who affect me… And those who do… are they truly worth investing time on…

Truly the sad part is… have drilled down to the fact that… Only God affects me… which means His will affects me… Good or Harsh… Whatever decision He would take like a parent in my life will affect me… Like it or not… His Will I have to accept it… Not out of force … but out of love… as I know that my spiritual parent can do no wrong… His actions are not influenced by what people would think… His decisions for me are not based on people around… His anger is not because I failed to reach the standards laid down by the world… But because I failed to reach the standards laid down by He himself… 

Why am I saying this…

As I am a little too tired of pleasing people around… Be it my family… or friends... and so called people around (Char log kya bolenge types)… I feel like I am split now… And that too for nothing… 99% things we do is to satisfy other peoples expectation which is again not their own expectation but of the world… In this rush and run do we get time to sit quitely and think what really should matter… yes family… friends matter a lot… but do things because you love them… but I see most of the times issues in relations happens more because we fail to please the world as per them… but are we living to do that?

So finally I drilled down to the fact that its best to just please God… who is just… and I see if I aim to please God alone… implicitly all underlying relations will stabalize… as Gods path is always of Love… more you are closer to God… more it is easy to  love others… more easy to forgive others… more easy to let go… as there is no way you can love God and hate anyone… You know why… That little whisper which I call Gods voice keeps echoing inside and it says…” please forgive… please let go… don’t be rude… don’t lie… don’t be angry…” Trust me… and the speed and frequency with which you hear this voice just doubles when you are closer to God…

So don’t be worried if you hear this voice more often… in fact rejoice… as it simply means… You are closer to God than ever before… And trust me … It’s a beautiful feeling… 

And reverse of this would be… if you constantly hear voices like… “ Give it back to him… be rude… be angry… run after money… how can you be satisfied with where you are “… Simply means you are farther away from God than you really think you are… as God of all people cant say these things…

Peace… indeed peaceful is the feeling when I now know that I got to please just one person – God… and rest all relations will fall into place… As He will make sure it does :)

_________________________________Rashmi (31^st October, 2012)

Lost without You

Lost without You…

Searched,
A lot,
For bliss,
Outside…

But …was still “Lost”

Searched,
A lot,
For peace,
In family…

But …was still “Lost”

Searched,
A lot,
For love,
Amongst friends…

But …was still “Lost”

Searched,
A lot,
For trust,
In few…

But …was still “Lost”

Finally…Halted,
Looked around,
Someone…
Was waiting…

Right there,
Always,
I saw “Him”,
Waiting…

Ran to “Him”,
Cried,
Knelt,
Hugged “Him”…

Knew right there…
I was lost without “Him”
Yes…
Was lost without you my Lord…

_____________________________Rashmi(29^th October, 2012)

Calmness of Buddha

Calmness of Buddha

Read about this man,
Born as a prince,
Curious was he,
Since his childhood…

He questioned anything,
And everything,
Poverty surprised him,
Death surprised him even more…

Zillion questions,
In search of truth,
Leaving his wife and kid,
He set out one fine day…

Imagine a Prince,
Living a life of a yogi,
Meditated,
Away from all…

He reached the state,
Of calmness,
Enlightened,
True meaning of life he got…

Buddha was his name,
Only name I can think,
Who could go that far,
To achieve true happiness…

Todays world,
So much junk we see,
So much more we hear,
And much much more we carry…

No room for others,
No room for ourselves,
No room for anything,
Such shallow lives we live…

Simple life complicated,
By our own deeds,
And we blame others,
For the choices we make…

Still wonder,
A prince could leave his empire,
And we feel dejected,
To leave the external bliss…

But I feel its time,
To at least try to achieve,
In the midst of noise,
“Calmness of Buddha”…

____________________________Rashmi(23rd October, 2012)

Breathing

Breathing

Once upon a time ;) … ( I believe when we were kids, all beautiful stories started like that… not sure about you… but at least it made me believe that the story is going to be real good)…

So once upon a time, one good friend of mine told me, that he is living different versions in front of all… He has one version of himself for his family… one version at his workplace… one version for his friends… and all together different version in front of his love…

Back then I didn’t connect to these words much… didn’t realize the intensity of these words… I really didn’t… But today I can…

Somewhere I have come to the realization point that indeed I have different versions of myself… One version I live with in my family… My is worst case scenario I feel… I got one version of myself for my mom… one for my dad and altogether different one for my bro…

When I step out in this world outside… (Ok now that I am jobless) … but few days back when I wasn’t… indeed had different version of myself for my friends… as I said… I am worst case scenario… had different version for each friend…

And one simple version I have of myself… the version of myself I connect the most… the version I have when I am with my Lord… the version everyone rejected… but only HE accepted… the version I just cant dare to show to anyone… I tried to seriously…. It was trampled… it was rejected…

So now I hide this version… keep it carefully aside… and see it once in a while… just to see if this version of me is still alive… all these years… its survived…

But yesterday, she tried to come out… desperately… I pushed her down… told her she is not safe outside here… told her I will deal with outside world…. She can just relax… but she didn’t listen…. She drove me crazy… I kept moving around… trying real hard to suppress her cry… her urge to come out… but she didn’t listen… And finally I gave up… closed my eyes…. And there… tears started flowing… endlessly… to the level… I couldn’t control… it was just flowing…

Surprised me… ages back I had kept her so safe… but today she is out… crying endlessly… and any attempt to control her is going in vain… she is hurt… upset… trampled … insecure… little words… rude words hurt her so much… I told her not to come out… she didn’t care to listen…

Hows she now?

She is quite… suddenly starts crying… I am unable to control her tears… its just flowing…. Just trying my best that she cries in some space alone… so that the versions of her I have created in the family does not get affected….

Numb she has become… quite… silent… I will let her be… not force her to do anything or say anything… seems like she has been through a lot… maybe I suppressed her a lot… but it was for her good… everyone would have killed her long back otherwise….

Trust me… I am happy to see her… But not sure if she will survive for long... this real version of her will not be valued... but today...shes smiling… shes crying… but… above all… shes breathing …

_____________________________Rashmi(23rd September, 2012)

As I walk away

As I walk away

Null,

Totally Null,

Feel,

Numb…

Please forgive me,

As I walk away…

Search,

As I search,

Some space where,

I can breathe…

Please forgive me,

As I walk away…

Strong,

I proclaimed,

But today,

Feel so weak…

Please forgive me,

As I walk away…

Tired,

Tired Of explaining,

Myself,

To all…

Please forgive me,

As I walk away…

Words today,

Just not coming out,

Easily,

So today…

Please forgive me,

As I walk away…

Tears that was,

Locked up,

Today,

Flowing so freely…

Please forgive me,

As I walk away…

Eyes,

Searching,

Waiting,

To be taken away…

Please forgive me,

As I walk away…

Silence,

That’s all I have,

To offer,

Today…

So…

Please forgive me,

As I walk away…

___________________________Rashmi (22nd September, 2012)

Lord to Me

Lord to Me_______________________________


Lord

Take it easy,
Dont get dizzy,
You have to learn,
So many virtues to earn...

Me

Its been the same,
Same old story,
Each time i get up,
None offer their hand...

Lord

Its not easy,
I know,
To be calm,
When somethings going on...

Me

When I wanna talk,
Always,
Always,
I am ordered to listen...

Lord

Why do you bother,
What you have today,
Is not gonna last,
When you come to me...

Me

I always ignore,
Pile it up inside,
All times cried,
But none hear me Lord...

Lord

Still
Be Still
I am there with you
Sit down take it slowly...

Me

All tell Lord,
Tell what you feel,
And when I do so,
They turn away Lord

Lord

They aint wrong,
Neither are you,
If you really love me,
Then let it all go...

You are young,
Thats your fault,
Life is long,
Its not gonna be easy

These worries will fade,
Wouldnt even matter,
Later,
So why get dull...


Me

Only you Lord,
Understand me,
And dont run away,
After listening to me...

I have given up Lord,
On lot of my wishes,
So that your will,
Comes to pass...

And I dont regret it,
Even for a second,
But never leave me,
Or ever forsake me Lord....


Lord

Have trust,
Have faith,
I have plans 
To prosper you...

Ignore now,
Its silly ego humans keep,
Your happiness is not in things,
Remember that...

I will never leave you,
Nor forsake you,
I am always there with you,
Right besides you...


Me

All ask me to dream Lord,
And when I do so,
They push me back saying,
How can you dream...

If they were right,
I would agree,
But its them Lord,
So I have to go away...

Few even agree Lord,
Then they potray,
It was a favour,
My will gets drained then Lord...

Lord

My child,
Dont bother,
I have already said,
And again I tell you...

This world will wither,
All things in them will wither,
All people will wither,
But me... I will be with you forever...

Dont worry,
Let it go for once,
Let all be happy,
And I will keep you happy... :)

______________________________Rashmi(03 Sept 2012)