Notes

Notes_________________________________

Used a silly application on Facebook today… called “God wants you to know”… silly I thought… but clicked on that … the message today for me read -

“On this day… God wants you to know - that all is well. All is going according to plan. Trust that there is a bigger picture. Trust that life is unfolding as it should”

Just thought to myself, that indeed, I have been telling everybody that this year is just not in my control… everything happening I just don’t seem to have control over it… it’s just happening… feel like someone else is controlling my life … and then I happen to read this message… beautiful message… that somewhere just relaxed me infinitely as I got peace in the thought that God is in control… God has a plan… maybe it’s just not making sense to me right now… but there is definitely a bigger picture to it… which I am unable to see… but God is able to … So just decided to let go of the thoughts that were haunting me since long…

Yesterday, was coming back from the movie “ZNMD”…. Well yehh… did watch it the third time … kya kare… promise is a promise… had promised a friend of mine while I was in Philiphines that I would accompany her to this movie… but I ended up going with different friends each time… phew… point here is not with whom I went for the movie… point is , each time I have seen this movie I unfold a new thought… a new view to the movie… so beautiful I thought… I was transfixed with few questions… haunting me… taunting me… “The One time planner”… had stopped planning anything since this year started… planning scares me… as it just puts me in a state to achieve it come what may… and at times I miss the thought that maybe this is not what God wanted to do with my life… But somewhere a little guilt in me was always there that how am I just letting myself just living one day at a time… this wasn’t me… why cant I just seem to plan and be sure that it will happen as earlier it would… but I rejected all planning thoughts…

But after watching the movie, I was walking down the street… I just felt free… free that earlier I was just living with a pre defined restrictions… like this this this are the things I cant change in my life… hence now my decision should be based on them… But yesterday I thought, let me think that I just have a year to live and love all… and then I asked the same questions that were haunting me … the answers seemed so clear… if God just tells me today that I just got a year with me to live… my decisions would be so different… my approach towards living each day would be so different… I wouldn’t wanna leave one opportunity to live each day to the fullest.. wouldn’t wanna miss a moment to make someone smile… wouldn’t just walk by leaving someone weeping…. Will think countless times before hurting a heart which loves me in tons… will never skip plans that my friends make thinking I can do that anytime later… will never ever give work atmost importance thinking I am saving up for the future… as for me I know I just for one year to live… would I be choose my priorities in a hasty manner … or would I live someone else’s priorities or my own…

Sigh!

Indeed, so different would my life be and for a change how simple it would be… I would get to choose the sorrows which is worth living… and would desert those which are not worth my tears… as very few are the moments left with me … so wouldn’t wanna ruin them in weeping right… Neither would I be scared to take risks… as even if I fail.. big deal… not much time to live anyways… I closed my eyes… and deep down felt free… Thought life would be free… no longer striving to play the safe game… no more thinking late nights… c’mon do I have so many hours to waste… each lost hour getting me closer to death…

Maybe that would be the year, the last year of my life, which I would be “Truly living”…

Lost in these thoughts… I knocked the door… entering the house I saw my mom smiling… I thought something fishy… she kept smiling… there… then I saw something on her wrist… in yellow and pink I could see friendship bands… there I smiled… asked her who gave her that… to that she replied “even I got lot of friends” … I smiled again… then looked at my own bare wrist… never felt it so lonely… indeed so many friends I have… and the excitement that we had back in college to tie the friendship bands is no longer seen… and how many years have passed since we have passed out from college… just 4… and we feel that a friendship band is such a lame thing...

My mom just made me realize, it’s never too late… at 54 she has 2 friendship bands and I have none…

One poem in the movie just hit my deepest chord…

Jab-Jab Dard Ka Baadal Chaya

Jab Gham Ka Saya Lehraya

Jab Aansoo Palkon Tak Aya

Jab Yeh Tanha Dil Ghabraya

Humne Dil Ko Yeh Samjhaya

Dil Aakhir Tu Kyun Rota Hai

Duniya Mein Yunhi Hota Hai

Yeh Jo Gehre Sannaate Hain

Waqt Ne Sabko Hi Baante Hain

Thoda Gham Hai Sabka Kissa

Thodi Dhoop Hai Sabka Hissa

Aankh Teri Bekaar Hi Nam Hai

Har Pal Ek Naya Mausam Hai

Kyun Tu Aise Pal Khota Hai

Dil Aakhir Tu Kyun Rota Hai

Its so simple... To live each moment... all you got to do is - Keep Breathing... Bass Saans Lete Raho :)

___________________________ Notes by Me (7th August, 2011)

PS: Happy Friendship Day Yarronn !!!