She then He - Singed Out!!!

Signed Out!!!

She________________________

Singed into Gtalk!

After her day’s walk,

Seeing green light, against His name,

She smiled, as always, same…

She decided this time she will not,

As each day, ping him first, she thought,

She decided to wait,

Though it was too late…

She thought maybe he is scared to say,

Maybe he loves her as she does in every way,

But being a girl how could she make the first move,

Thought she was all set to say, “I do”…

She noticed he was typing on her window,

His typing speed was indeed slow,

Suddenly he stopped again,

Which made her wait, again a total vain…

But,

He didn’t ping,

Her smile faded in a blink,

She felt let down somewat,

Upset, she finally “Signed Out”

He________________________

Saw her coming online on Gtalk!

He was all set to talk,

But he stopped himself again,

He wasn’t sure if he should go down this lane…

He clicked on her window,

Thought to take it a bit slow,

He typed, “how was your day, my love?”,

But he just couldn’t send it somehow…

He was scared to say the unspoken words,

He was scared to go down the untraveled roads,

He was scared to tell her, “You are mine”,

He was scared; maybe he was still waiting for a sign…

He finally closed his eyes,

To wean himself away from all the “whys”,

He gulped inside all his fears,

Wiped his moist eyes filled with tears…

He again started typing out,

He knew he had already made her wait a lot,

He finally was ready to cross the thin line,

But to his surprise, he saw her going offline…

Upset, that he could not make it again,

Guilty that he let her down in vain,

Caught in countless thought,

He too finally signed out!!!

_______________________Rashmi(21st August, 2011)

Get Set Go!!!!!

Get Set Goooooooooooooooo!!!!!!

C'mon guys, i know its 5:00 AM right now... and its "not" the most preffered time to write a blog.... but then I am up and running since 4:00 AM.... Mann... the trecking season is back... Looking at the title you all must have been excited..

Still remember the last Trek we had right here in Teradata... But will miss few friends who cannot make it.... few because they have moved out ... few because they are onsite..... But dont worry guys.... tum logoke hisse ka enjoyment main kar lungiii.... ;).... Remember the pics above... Start of the treck... all ... ohh so excited ;)

Chalo guys.... i am late... khaana banana hai... patti ko uthaana hai... bachoon ko tayaar karke school bhejna hai ... WhooAAA!!!!... Chill Chill.. Just kidding as always ;)

PS: Stay Tuned for the pics of todays trek.. kaha ja rahi hun... pata nahi yaar.. koi "Korigad" karke jagah hai ;)... when i make it to the top please switch on your TV... you will find me smiling there with our Indian Flag.... hehe... Chuk it... chalo ab tho sach main late ho raha hai ;)....

Btw this usually happens to me when someone makes me get up at 4 AM... look at the bakwaas font color.... how many times should i tell you Rashmi... "I HATE PINK" ;)

Love You all,

Rashmi

He Lied

He Lied_______________________________

Once oh so beautiful, now so fragile,

Her body totally weak and agile…

He looked at her through the glass window,

Hiding his tears, so that they don’t show…

He wiped his tears,

Swallowed his fears,

Walked inside and sat beside’s her bed,

She turned away, pretending to be dead…

Alas she looked at him and faked a smile,

And tried to live the old moment for a while,

As always…“How do I look today”, she asked,

“As lovely as ever, my angel”… “HE LIED”….

“Liar”, she said… tears rolling down her withered cheek,

He stopped his tears, so that she does not go weak…

He continued…

“No sweetheart, your eyes are as beautiful as ever”,

“My angel, you will be fine and we will live together forever”…

“Your hands”, holding her fingers between the gaps of his,

“Reminds me of our times together, the times I call- bliss”…

She wept and said...

“Promise me, you will move on”

“Look at me and promise me baby, c’mon”

“Bring that mirror, I am no longer beautiful, please see”

“I will be dead soon… don’t know when my soul will be forced to flee”

Still holding her hands tight… he said…

“I cant promise you to be fine”

“Please do not ask me to cross the thin line”

“but I want to keep my promise to leave you never”

“With or without you, it will always be you forever”…

Holding him tight… she smiled,

Together out of joy, they cried for a while…

______________________________Rashmi(18th August, 2011)

Where's my purpose, dude?

Where's my purpose, dude?

Time : 10:30 PM

Place : Mumbai

A more precise place : On my bed

State of mind : Thinking

Blogging is like making an STD call . Both the things are easier to do at night. While lower calling rates bag it for the STD calls , a more silent room of mine (Without my mom) makes blogging better at night.

Personally, I don’t really like dark things, except Ajay Devgan maybe. But reading about them always left me depressed and suicidal. So I don’t really like poems about heartbreaks and music videos like “Accha Silla Diya”… Yeh yeh don’t give me the stare… I was “One Time” poetess who used to write poems which would make Jim Carry cry his heart out…but then now I feel its not worth it. I love funny things like watching Ganguly bat or reading my marksheets or reading my client mails ;) … So sad hona kya hota hai shaayad bhul si gayi hun…

After ages… today I feel “sad”…I don’t know but do you guys also feel sad suddenly?… so I was trying to wonder why so… I have a decent carrier taking off…( yeh did crash landing a trillion times but now its all well), a family I love, friends I love, and a security guard I am beginning to love… ;) and I finally learnt to cook maggi… So it would take a fully loaded nuclear attack and a couple of Himesh Reshammiya's CDs to make me feel sad . On a related note , I just saw the video of "teri yaad na aye" from Himesh on MTV . The guy is crying lakes in the video . I had this urge to actually reach into the screen , wipe his face with a tissue and say "Na beta , sab theek ho jayega ."… c’mon dude… then why this feeling of being “sad”…

Maybe the project end has suddenly brought a lot of vaccum in my life… and suddenly I have more time to spend… I remember complaining this to one of my best buddy sayig…”dude today I felt I wasn’t productive at work” and he replied saying… “Just enjoy the gift of time… you never had it… jst grab it”… But deep down , the chini mini heart of mine which is oh so bold in front of this world… Is usually scared of the time… as time gives me time to think… which is nott good for my health.. look what it made me and you do.. (Me- Write this blog, U- Read this blog)… hehe…

So today I am thinking…”Whats the purpose of my life”… cough cough…. I know I know that’s a seriousssssss zone.. but seriously dude.. I started thinking… The more I live , the more I realise two things . First , I still don't have a 'purpose' in my life . And second , now that I have lived some more , I have lesser time to find that purpose .It is like 5 years back I was "Chill yar . I am only 20 . Only Buddha found a purpose in life at that age." But Now I am like "Umm . I am almost 25 . And I think I will find a bigger meaning in life right after a little nap. "

Things over the last month have been as fast as a Shoaib Akhtar riding a sports bike . 6 months, 8 flights… I have traveled between countries , made some never-seen-before changes to my life, been through some personally challenging times , did things which altered my opinion about myself ( I am more beautiful than I thought I am ;) ) , and even downloaded Bappi Lahiri songs during a particularly intense moment of emotion. But still , I need to let out something .

I have made my mistakes , more so in personal life (Lets keep it closed) , but then , brooding over things is something I am not very capable of . But if I look beneath the surface , behind all this , I am still walking on a road with no idea of my destination . Not that it troubles me too much . Maybe there is no destination at all , maybe the destination is not important . Maybe it’s only about living each day as you want to live it . But still , it feels like I am still searching for something .Like I am still waiting for a feeling of homecoming .I am told this is not the case . But I can’t deny this feeling . I am still not home. And I don’t know if I ever will be . But then , I live this life .I live whatever it gives me.

Work indeed helped me in the past… it still helps me… its stressful…. But it helps me to “Not” be me… to just not give time to things that really bother me… But one incident just shook me completely …it was my night shift… 6:00 PM to 3:00 AM… at 5:30 PM my net at home stopped connecting… I got totally worked up… my mom just couldn’t understand… (a) she was bearing with a daughter who had become a work zombie and was just not physically present at home (b) even if she was at home,she could see her with her laptop… I panicked… called up my friend to get his USB … luckily that also didn’t work… my friend told me casually… inform office that u cant work today… I gave him the look that said “Are you insane!!!”… I immediately got ready,rushed to work… had a client call in 30 minutes which I didn’t wanna miss… mann now I wonder… was this world ending…. In the midst of all that my friend called me… I answered harshly “Dude I am busy”… all he said was… “Please call up home… after you left, your mom was really worried about you… worried about what this work is doing to you”… somewhere that hit me hard… Socha bahut hua… whats the point of working like this when my parents themselves are not happy …

Yeah but i still strongly believe that "The most uncomfortable person is the one who is not himself"... and i think at least i can strive hard to be "me"... if nothing more...

Sigh!!!

Whoa ! Chill Yaaro . There was a bunch of really verbal Punjabi dogs right outside my window at 12:30 in the morning , and since they wont let me sleep , decided to see if I can pen down some words . So chill . It takes something as grave as back to back screenings of Karz and Phoonk to depress me .And all the angry guys commenting here , You are always fun to have around...

Oh… you were waiting to hear the purpose of my life… Try contacting me when I am 50… at least till then I should be ready with some sensible answer ;)…

And to all those yelling and asking my address to personally kill me… all I wanna say is… “I love you all too ;)”

___________________________Rashmi(17th August, 2011)

Are we Truly Free?

Are we truly free…

Happy Independence Day,

Heard a lot say,

Thought for a while,

Ended up with a smile…

Are we truly free?

I see,

I wonder,

I still ponder…

To a change,

Strange,

How many still rise,

And how many still live a life of lies…

Free from notions of every kind,

Or still prey to the slavery of mind,

So many hypocrites I still see,

And we call ourselves free?

Don’t do this and that,

People oh so coward like a rat,

Society pressure you still see,

And we call ourselves free?

Freedom of religion I heard,

A thought oh so absurd,

C’mon do we really have it,

Yes... c’mon don’t make me use my wit….

Freedom of speech I read,

Thought back in school.. “Well said”,

But no one wants to listen to the right,

Those who tried were thrown outa sight….

Are we truly free?

It’s time we better halt and see…

___________________________Rashmi (15th August, 2011)

PS: All of you might be wondering whats the relation of the topic and the pic of Hrithik.. Socho Socho... Kuch tho relation hona hi chahiye aisa zaroori hai kya ;)...Bass aiwe hi laga dia...Btw doesnt he look dashing ;)

Btw... Happy Independence Day ;)

He Ran to Me

 

He Ran to Me...

Scared,

Ashamed,

Guilty,

Slowly I walked,

And opened the door…

Looked around,

Eyes,

Filled with tears,

Slowly I walked,

Ahead…

Far,

I saw Him,

His back towards me,

Wasn’t sure,

If I should call Him…

But,

He turned,

Looks like,

My footsteps,

He still recognized…

My eyes,

Failed to look up,

Thought,

By now,

Maybe he hates me…

Turning around,

I thought,

I better leave,

But...

To my surprise…

He ran to me,

Held me tight,

Lifted my face,

Wiped my tears,

And said….“ I still love you!”

Me,

Surprised,

Wept,

Held him tight,

And thought…

The day,

I left Him,

With a broken heart,

To be apart,

Walked away…

And one night,

Remembered His love,

Somehow,

And came back,

To Him….

But,

To my surprise,

He ran to me,

Weeping,

Already forgiven…

Weeping,

Smiling,

All He said,

Was,

“My Child is back again!”

*Added Later *

He => GOD

______________________Rashmi(11th August,2011)

Notes

Notes_________________________________

Used a silly application on Facebook today… called “God wants you to know”… silly I thought… but clicked on that … the message today for me read -

“On this day… God wants you to know - that all is well. All is going according to plan. Trust that there is a bigger picture. Trust that life is unfolding as it should”

Just thought to myself, that indeed, I have been telling everybody that this year is just not in my control… everything happening I just don’t seem to have control over it… it’s just happening… feel like someone else is controlling my life … and then I happen to read this message… beautiful message… that somewhere just relaxed me infinitely as I got peace in the thought that God is in control… God has a plan… maybe it’s just not making sense to me right now… but there is definitely a bigger picture to it… which I am unable to see… but God is able to … So just decided to let go of the thoughts that were haunting me since long…

Yesterday, was coming back from the movie “ZNMD”…. Well yehh… did watch it the third time … kya kare… promise is a promise… had promised a friend of mine while I was in Philiphines that I would accompany her to this movie… but I ended up going with different friends each time… phew… point here is not with whom I went for the movie… point is , each time I have seen this movie I unfold a new thought… a new view to the movie… so beautiful I thought… I was transfixed with few questions… haunting me… taunting me… “The One time planner”… had stopped planning anything since this year started… planning scares me… as it just puts me in a state to achieve it come what may… and at times I miss the thought that maybe this is not what God wanted to do with my life… But somewhere a little guilt in me was always there that how am I just letting myself just living one day at a time… this wasn’t me… why cant I just seem to plan and be sure that it will happen as earlier it would… but I rejected all planning thoughts…

But after watching the movie, I was walking down the street… I just felt free… free that earlier I was just living with a pre defined restrictions… like this this this are the things I cant change in my life… hence now my decision should be based on them… But yesterday I thought, let me think that I just have a year to live and love all… and then I asked the same questions that were haunting me … the answers seemed so clear… if God just tells me today that I just got a year with me to live… my decisions would be so different… my approach towards living each day would be so different… I wouldn’t wanna leave one opportunity to live each day to the fullest.. wouldn’t wanna miss a moment to make someone smile… wouldn’t just walk by leaving someone weeping…. Will think countless times before hurting a heart which loves me in tons… will never skip plans that my friends make thinking I can do that anytime later… will never ever give work atmost importance thinking I am saving up for the future… as for me I know I just for one year to live… would I be choose my priorities in a hasty manner … or would I live someone else’s priorities or my own…

Sigh!

Indeed, so different would my life be and for a change how simple it would be… I would get to choose the sorrows which is worth living… and would desert those which are not worth my tears… as very few are the moments left with me … so wouldn’t wanna ruin them in weeping right… Neither would I be scared to take risks… as even if I fail.. big deal… not much time to live anyways… I closed my eyes… and deep down felt free… Thought life would be free… no longer striving to play the safe game… no more thinking late nights… c’mon do I have so many hours to waste… each lost hour getting me closer to death…

Maybe that would be the year, the last year of my life, which I would be “Truly living”…

Lost in these thoughts… I knocked the door… entering the house I saw my mom smiling… I thought something fishy… she kept smiling… there… then I saw something on her wrist… in yellow and pink I could see friendship bands… there I smiled… asked her who gave her that… to that she replied “even I got lot of friends” … I smiled again… then looked at my own bare wrist… never felt it so lonely… indeed so many friends I have… and the excitement that we had back in college to tie the friendship bands is no longer seen… and how many years have passed since we have passed out from college… just 4… and we feel that a friendship band is such a lame thing...

My mom just made me realize, it’s never too late… at 54 she has 2 friendship bands and I have none…

One poem in the movie just hit my deepest chord…

Jab-Jab Dard Ka Baadal Chaya

Jab Gham Ka Saya Lehraya

Jab Aansoo Palkon Tak Aya

Jab Yeh Tanha Dil Ghabraya

Humne Dil Ko Yeh Samjhaya

Dil Aakhir Tu Kyun Rota Hai

Duniya Mein Yunhi Hota Hai

Yeh Jo Gehre Sannaate Hain

Waqt Ne Sabko Hi Baante Hain

Thoda Gham Hai Sabka Kissa

Thodi Dhoop Hai Sabka Hissa

Aankh Teri Bekaar Hi Nam Hai

Har Pal Ek Naya Mausam Hai

Kyun Tu Aise Pal Khota Hai

Dil Aakhir Tu Kyun Rota Hai

Its so simple... To live each moment... all you got to do is - Keep Breathing... Bass Saans Lete Raho :)

___________________________ Notes by Me (7th August, 2011)

PS: Happy Friendship Day Yarronn !!!

Again she asked me

Again she asked me_______________________

There I confronted her again…

Felt the same deep pain!

Again she asked me…

Why are you finding reasons to flee!

Again she had a question to ask…

Why are you still holding on to the mask!

Again she held me tight to say…

Why are you no longer walking on my way!

Again she had to ask me why…

Why do you no more stop by and say ‘Hi’!

Again she asked me about my biggest wish…

Why did you move on from a life that was bliss!

Again she accused me of leaving her…

Why to world’s call you did surrender!

Again she asked me about my void smile…

Why do I not even bother to talk to her for a while!

Again she asked about my attempt to save myself…

Why did you confront the truth to release yourself!

Again she asked me about the once felt intense love…

Why then did you let it all go with Buddha’s calmness somehow!

Finally she asked me “The” question which I was running from…

That was until now seen by none…

Finally she asked me… “Why did you desert me?”

“Me… Your dream… Why do you no longer long to see?”

_______________________________Rashmi (4th August, 2011)

*Added Later*

Based on the comments recieved by few looks like many couldnt understand the plot of the poem... So just wanted to add few lines to summarize the plot... in the poem "she" is none but the girls "dream" who keeps asking her questions through out the poem ... and the poem ends with the final question in which she asks the girl "why did the girl desert her (dream)" ? 

Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara..

Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara… (For those who do not understand hindi… Zindagi na milegi dobaara implies – You wouldn’t get your life again)

Watched it dobara… No no … don’t worry… not that I didn’t understand it in one Go…. I know I am Dumb….. I have already made this public announcement in this blog last year… No no I am not lying… c’mon once a year I do tell the truth…. Look at the link below ;)

http://myworld-rashmi.blogspot.com/2011/01/i-am-dumb-totally-dumb.html

Ssooo now you know I am frank …. Oops shameless ;)… yeah that’s the word ;) …

Questions… Questions… and more questions came popping into my little head… again all unanswered questions…

Movie has a beautiful message for this generation Marathon runner’s… I always used to wonder…

Why are everybody running…some after money… some after name… same after fame… in this running generation does anyone have time to halt… time to stop… time to sit down… and simply smile… time to stare…

Why is it that we give more importance to professional deadlines than personal ones?

Like, we quite comfortably postpone ‘talks/meetings with friends/children/spouse/parents/siblings because we are under ‘tremendous work pressure’. Why don’t we ever do the same with meetings with bosses and clients (unless of course it is a medical emergency at home)?

Why are we busy trying to give each other (at times even friends) a look of revenge… words which say “I will give you dose of your own medicine”… than thinking of giving some tight hugs instead…

Why are we ace at maintaining “Cost-Benefit” ratio… but fail to maintain “Work-Life” ratio… As far as I remember my teacher did tell me back in school that “Health is Wealth”

Why do some movies make us cry but we give a deaf ear to the helpless cry of a child on the street…

Why a stranger classmate back in school could become our best friend but we just cant think of our colleague as our best friend… just because somewhere deep down you think of them as your competitor…

Why cant you just be happy when your friend at work gets a promotion… when you know he/she deserves one…

Why are all living lives in a “Closed Box” when we are supposed to be in a closed box only when we are dead…

Why are all striving so hard to be better than others financially… when we all should be striving to be better human being’s

Why are all thinking that “Buying a house” is an attempt towards their future security… when we do not have a clue whats lined up for us the very next moment…

So many questions in store… Answers to which is something known to all… bt we love to abide and live in this Hippocratic world… as following our heart is foolishness to the world… right… ;)

Love the dialogue from the movie… where Katrina asks Hrithik… “Does money make you happy” and he replies saying “Yes”… and to that she says “Then why did u weep after the underwater diving”… he said “ because for the first time he felt he was alive”…. She then replied saying “ did u ever weep after seeing ur month end salary… no… then you need to cease the moment my friend… life is now…not tomorrow...when your 40... and do you even know if you are gonna be alive till then ;) “

Love the Javed Akhtar poetries in the movie…

Zinda Ho Tum (The poem comes in the climax)

Dilon mein tum apni betaabiyan leke chal rahe ho, toh zinda ho tum
Nazar mein khwaabon ki bijliyan leke chal rahe ho, toh zinda ho tum
Hawa ke jhokon ke jaise aazad rehna seekho
Tum ek dariya ke jaise lehron mein behna seekho
Har ek lamhe se tum milo khole apni baahein
Har ek pal ek naya samaa dekhiye
Jo apni aankhon mein hayraniyan leke chal rahe ho, toh zinda ho tum

Dilon mein tum apni betaabiyan leke chal rahe ho, toh zinda ho tum

 ___________________________________Rashmi (2nd August, 2011)