Girl Behind 'That' Closed Door

Girl Behind 'That' Closed Door

Ages have passed I have locked her I thought… is she ok I thought… is she alive… or gone for good…. Its been more than 2 years … time flew… but I didn’t get time to just meet her and make sure she is fine… maybe I didn’t wanna re-live the old moments… or know her anymore… but after ages I thought let me just go and meet her… just to make sure she is fine… and help her release when the time is right…



I began to walk back down the memory lane… the long walkway led to the door at the far end of the corner… the same heavy, strong door that now just remains closed… or maybe I had closed that for good… I started feeling the pain all over again… that journey had been oh so painful... unknowingly I had already started trembling… with the thought that I would be seeing her again now…


Closed my eyes… took a deep breath… gathered all the strength that’s left inside me…. I slowly touched the door… the metal feeling cold and lifeless to my hands… I tried pushing the heavy door a bit, and it creaked and squeaked. I pushed it a little more, aghast at all the noise it made for nothing. What an ordeal it was! This place reeked of death. I gulped, knowing what I was about to see at the other end of the door, but not quite prepared for it. I opened it wide enough to be able to see the other end of the room. There at the corner she was…


She was wearing the same bridal white dress in which I had seen her last… She looked at me and gave me an expression which was difficult to decipher… she sensed my presence and discomfort… somewhere she looked shocked… she gave me the look that said…. “How could you just kill me and live in the world like nothing mattered”…


One could not guess what she wanted me to do with that pleading look in her eyes. It seemed like she was trying to reach out to me, like a scared child, for empathy, for understanding, for closure. Yet she spoke not a word…


I kept looking at her… she had so much love in her eyes… she looked oh so humble holding the bible tight and waiting at the altar… the dream of marriage so alive in her eyes… the dream of having a family… a complete family that would make her complete… she still looked so positive to me… I wondered…. 2 yrs of staying behind closed door… and yet she hasn’t killed her wishes… hasn’t changed…. I was scared to see her again… and more scared to see that she is still the same… deep down still the same…


I closed the door behind me and scampered out of the corridor… “Shes still alive… shes still alive”…. These three words just scared me… I thought she was dead … but no… she is still alive…


I needed some sunshine on my skin, I needed some fresh air to breathe, I needed to make a resolution to never come back again. I half-walked, half-ran, not sure if the ghosts had stopped chasing me. I didn’t realize I was crying. Something about her face broke my heart everytime I saw her that way. How can she not give up.. how can she not accept that no one is the same… all are selfish… there is nothing like the dream prince charming … why does she just give up on that… why is she still waiting for him to come and take her to the altar… I just could not see her that way again…


I was out there in the sun, panting, gasping for breath. I closed my eyes once and there I saw the image of her scrubbing her dress, trying to get rid of the stain that perhaps no one else saw. I have seen her the same way, in the same room, crouched on the floor and doing the same thing for so long now. And I know that I am never going to have my closure for as long as she does it….


It’s been 2 years… She should just understand now… Till then I will keep her closed… Closed from this world…


______________________________Rashmi(6th October, 2011)