Reality Struck Hard...

Reality Struck Hard...

Weird dream… weird dream I saw on Monday night…Dream was that I was walking with my two friends… one of my friend was walking a little ahead… and I was walking behind with another friend… suddenly my friend who was walking ahead got hit by a truck… before we could just realize what happened… she died… I woke up with a start… it was 4 AM… tried hard to sleep… tried telling myself… It’s just a dream… but didn’t help…

Got up at 5 AM… went for a morning walk… but this dream was just as fresh as the rising sun I could view…

Reached my office… was slowly getting involved with my work and people around… and the dream was just fading away… suddenly I got an sms from my friend Rohan saying… ‘Hi Rashmi, Milan expired… He went to Goa… He got hemorrhage or something while he was enjoying on the beach and got drowned…’ … I read the sms countless times… I just could not believe it… I did not have the strength to call up Rohan… as Milan and Rohan were damn close friends… and I knew I would not help crying… and I would fail to console Rohan either…

So I called up Sonia… But could not get thru her … I dropped her email with updates regarding Milan… She called me immediately… She was all broken down to hear the news… so was I… and we were speechless…

Something that Sonia said hit my heart… she said … that she didn’t receive my call as she was busy in the production implementation of her project… And normally when she is busy she never receives any calls from family or friends… I thought to myself… I do the same… then she continued saying that she missed my call … little did she know that I had called her to give this awful news…

All throughout the day, was thinking about this… had to wear a smile all the while at work… but deep down millions of thoughts were crossing my mind… For the first time I was missing all my loved ones… esp. my family… called home just to ensure they are fine… called few of my friends just to ensure they are fine… to apologize in case I have ever hurt them… Felt for a second like time is short… its running... Even while talking to my client, he was as always cracking some jokes here and there… but I did not find any of his words funny… as I just wanted to rush back home and hug my mummy… and tell her sorry for everything… just make sure that she is fine…

How busy I got in life I feel… busy studying, then busy studying more, then busy with my first job, busy coding, then busy with my new job, and still busy… set of things as I list down seems meaningless if I sit to think if these things were worth getting busy with… and what for… did these things give joy to someone in need… I barely remember if these things made me smile… left me stressed… yeah bank balance did rise… so called status did rise… but what about the great fall I had… I do admit I was there for many people… but I still regret the times I wasn’t there… times I broke promises to meet people… times I left home telling mom not to wait for me for dinner… time when mom kept calling me to ask how I was but I was way too busy with work to answer her call… what can I do about those moments missed… thought of course my project is in priority … where is family going... where are my friends going... project go-live is so important… little did I know moments to live this life is running away…

I see around me. I see people I care for. Sometimes I see them sad. I see them clinging to bad memories , things which they cannot change , things that left them hurt, things which still hurt them , things which make tears flow down their cheeks. I know they are hurt and have reasons to feel sad. But life is not forever .Life is nothing but a limited number of moments gifted to us by god. And each moment is slipping by. Right now , a moment just passed by me , and took me closer to death , leaving me with lesser time to smile ,to crack some poor joke , to see my ma laugh , to see a friend find the happiness she deserves , to be a good person ,to make someone smile , to live. And the very thought of letting such a precious moment drown in a tear leaves me restless. Why do we people hurt each other, when this life may not be long enough to love each other?

Maybe you need to know that you may never get a chance to be the good person you could have been. Maybe you need to know that the moment you have been waiting for to tell him how much you love him may never arrive. Maybe you need to know that you may never have the time to wipe off the tears you are causing today. Maybe you need to know that death is a surprisingly unexpected reality. Maybe you need to start living the life you should...

I know I know I am saying nothing new. But life and the things it does to people and the things people do to it continue to amuse me...

I know this is a silly phase I am going through… nothing stays… this phase too shall pass… but I guess my friends death has got me alive… has got me think in all possible ways of my life… has got me thank God for the people he has placed in my life.. rather than mourning for those who were there for some short season… has got me thinking that I should not take my life for granted…people around me for granted... it’s a gift… each day we get a gift of a new day… ask someone who has lost his/her loved one… he will tell you what a new day still being alive with your loved ones means to him…

PS : Maybe this post is devoid of sarcasm… no sad jokes… just a simple thought that’s not gonna go away soon… its come to reside … though late… and now I am gonna be busy living life… with my loved ones … to the fullest … every moment… as every moment makes life…

As they say, God has given us the grace to go through this day…. Current day… quit worrying about tomm.. He has not given us the grace and strength for tomm… but just for today…