Conditional Love...
This week I took a leave on Thursday… Why … well got up at 6 AM… was just not feeling like going to work… and if you guys know me by now I never do any thing what I don’t really feel like doing… so wat next… yupieee… one more unplanned leave…
But there is another reason for this leave… well I didn’t want to make the same mistake I did while I was in LnT… I had created so much dependency of mine in the project that Rashmi nahi tho kaam ruk jaayegaa… time tham jaayegaa… falaana falaanaa…. Back then I used to feel so proud on the fact that I am so very important in this project that my manager and my clients think work can’t go on a single day without me… Now I know what a fool I was…. So in Teradata I make sure I take leaves on regular basis so that my team does not have unnecessary dependency on me…
Lol… I know … I Know I just made that up right now… I know a very silly bahaanaa for a leave… but kya karee…. Just wanted to chill at home… So Thursday Off Off Off…
Don’t worry this blog has nothing to do with what I did while I was at home… This blog is about my old friend I met over dinner that day… Lunch pe mil sakti thi… but guys I was on leave… JP Morgan was working… yeah this friend of mine works there… so we met over dinner… we decided to crash to this restaurant… I knew this rest had one day of the week “Candle Light” dinner… I told my friend hope today is not that day… not good for two single girls to go out on a candle light dinner… log kya kahenge… ye samaaj ye duniya kya bolegi… then we thought…. Chadooo jii… hum tho chalee… By Gods grace it wasn’t the candle light dinner nite ;)
While conversing over dinner I found that my friend was super frustrated… She has been the only girl in my college group who has always been a closed book to me… major disconnect always… maybe she never trusted anyone in the grp enof to pour her heart out… But that day I could see her frustrated… And it was just pouring out in all the topics we were discussing… But what hit me hard was she said she trusts one of her friend at work who is oh so practical it seems… and she told me one statement that this practical friend told her… he said… “All relationship on this earth has "Selfishness" involved in it"…
• be it a parent-child relationship (Children want their parents to provide them with everything when they are growing up and parents expect children to take care of them when they are growing old)
• be in husband-wife relationship… (Both need so called someone to spend their life with ... mind you there is a list of criterias invovlved to be the one... )
• be it gf-bf relationship….(Both are looking for emotional dependency)
• be in brother-brother or brother-sister relationship ( Both know that ye tho rahega/rahegi chale kuch bhi ho jaaye)
• be it friend-friend relationship (Both need each other when family cant understand some issues)
I thought to myself… Somewhere not completely right… but yaa not completely wrong too… but “Selfishness” is too strong a word for this…
I believe the right word is “Conditional Love” … Every relationship has "Conditional Love" involved in it…
• Every parent wants their children to do what they will… and every child want their parents to agree upon their new beliefs… Parents expect their children to get married to someone of their caste… If kids don’t do so… Clashes… what’s this – Conditional Love…
• Every husband-wife relation has countless area where conditional love is seen…
• Gf-Bf relationship starts off with Conditional love…
• Between siblings I rarely see this in todays generation… But yaa if the brother after marriage does not give his sister/ brother as much attention as he used to earlier then things change… again instead of understanding that priorities change after marriage we see change in behavior… But in our parents generation siblings used to split due to property issues... Again Conditional Love…
• Have seen so many friendships falling apart due to silly things… Conditional Love (Thank you lord for blessing me with good friends)
But in all these relationships have you noticed that my friend failed to mention the most important relationship… Relationship between Us and God… I brought that up.. told her what about God… She said that’s a total different ball game all together…
Yeah agreed… totally different relationship… But why don’t we understand that this is also a relationship… same as our relationship with our parents… why do we treat God as “Not” being a part of our lives… Is He someone fictitious who exists in temples , churches and mosques… Why cant we think of Him just like a friend walking with us… talking to us … spending time with us… Can you imagine a life where in you are always with your best friend…. Who does not demand anything…. Who does not complain…. Who does not judge you like others often do… who is gonna be there forever not run away when problems surrender… Whom you can trust blindly…
With whom your entire security of your life lies… Can money give you that security… I don’t think so… I don’t know if you can relate to this…. But its an awesome heavenly feeling to walk with God daily...
One and Only relationship where I don’t see “Conditional Love”…
PS : How many agree with me ;)
Love,
Rashmi
Well i agree with at least half of what you said :)
ReplyDeleteAnd that half is the First half...
I myself have thought over this thing a lot... And i mean a lottt... And also discussed with few friends but they also somewhat failed to understand what i really intended to convey
And had to finally conclude with pretty much similar answer...
Every relationship is based on 'selfishness', this word might sound a bit too harsh to our ears at first but thats a fact... And is not as negative as it appears... Just think over it...
Selfishness is the thing which has helped us (human beings) to evolve over the years, has helped us socialise in a better way, has actually connected the whole world today...
We obviously can sugarcoat that word with something pleasant to our ears (like you said 'Conditional Love') but changing the term hardly changes the meaning of the sentence... and hence we should put effort in understanding it in a better way
Now if i say Selfishness is everywhere, this does not mean in any way that therefore we should start viewing every relationship in terms of expectations met and not met, profit or loss, but instead it means that One has every right to be selfish
1) Provided that he/she is expecting realistically from others... Or in other words, if you being selfish to someone and expecting something from him that he actually does not possess, then that is gonna lead you in only one direction (and that is DOWNWARDS)... Be it Financially or Emotionally...
2) Provided that his selfishness does not prove to be harmful for any of the people involved, instead the point should be to make sure that everyone GAINS out of it... and it makes the world a better place to live...
say for example, if person 'A' loves person 'B', then their would be selfishness over there as well... Person 'A' would be ready to do anything for 'B', because doing so makes 'A' feel good... (that is the selfish motive)
But if 'B' does not love 'A', and 'A' EXPECTS that 'B' should also love in return then that is being UNREALISTIC, because 'B' right now does not have love for 'A', so how can it give something that it doesnot have :)
I too think that the word "Selfishness" is bit too harsh, but definitely you expect something of a relationship....it is more of "how much can you give before start expecting back"...and if "giving is from both the ends then you never expect, don't have to...this becomes a mature relationship then"...and about GOD, the space is running out :D :D
ReplyDeleteBTW did you help your friend or not...it seems you wrote a blog on a "word" that she mentioned....how "selfish" is that.....hehehehe....;)
ReplyDeleteYa its Conditional love...Definetly if we set expextations and if things dont meet our expectations then u r heart definetly aches but ya those expectations also start off bcoz of the love respect nd faith that we have for the oppposite party including God..
ReplyDelete@ Hp...
ReplyDeletePhew... your comment is longer than my blog content... need time to re-read it and reply to your comment ;)
Cheers,
Rashmi
@ Nilesh...
ReplyDeleteyeah...Helping my friend session will happen mostly tomm... our converstaion was interrupted by my moms call as were doing tp till 11 PM ;)
@ Madhuri...
ReplyDeleteExcept for relationship between us and God though... no conditional love there.... baaki i agree that this "Conditions" comes up in every relation outta love :)
Cheers,
Rashmi
@Rashmi
ReplyDelete:P :P :P
Take your time waste... :)
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Khana kuch khaya ki nahi ....
ReplyDeletebapre ... kya funde maarne lagi hai.....