Hmm… well all in serious thoughts today… Due to some conversation I had with a friend of mine… At times life of few people look “Perfect” to us… Maybe they are… but have you given a deep thought “Maybe” They are “Not”...
These days somewhere God is getting me to talk to people who are ready to share their life’s dark secrets… and it makes me go in a different world of thoughts… Just listing down few incidences that has struck the deepest chord in me… and made me think in levels I have never thought before… These are people who matter to me the most… as when I am not able to deal with few things,I think of them… somewhere miraculously a strange energy just comes in me to go on with things… Thank you all for being a part of my life…
Just had a conversation with a friend of mine who is currently working as a Business Analyst… he has compelted his masters course in UK and I always wondered what is he doing in India… So yesterday I just asked him casually about this… and he replied,
“Fate it seems had a plan of its own. while i was studying der, my father was diagnosed with a rare neurological disease for which der was no cure...not even proper medicines. so i came back as soon as i finished the course and was taking care of him but unfortunately cudnt do much for him...he passed away in April 2009… after this i cudnt leave my mom alone and go back to UK, so started looking for a job here in India”
Just thought to myself… At times things are so unpredictable… I had a friend who was aspiring to do his MS… wanted to settle in US… but unfortunately his mom expired… but he did go on to do his MS leaving his father in India… he has also lost his younger brother when we were in college… and he belongs to a super rich family… but still he had this US craze… just thought why do people's priorities go for toss… why do you earn i wonder… for your loved ones… and when your loved ones need you … you just can go on with your plans… we need to halt… and think…
Death, you know . Hmm how would you know… ok have you heard of the same… But have you ever thought what that moment must be like …And you know , what I am thinking about is that moment , that moment which is sitting delicately at the end of the road called life as it ends , yet opens up into the unknown chasm called death . That moment , when I will be on the verge of being lifted by death , and I will know in my heart “Shit yaar , yeh end hai , ab picchar baaki nahi hai mere dost” . Now no “Dawa ya Dua” can save me ! No people , no movies , no cars , no boss , no relationships , no money , no smiles , no mamma’s voice, no fights , no competitions , no career , no TV , nothing , after the event called Death …
That moment , when I will know in my heart , that irrespective of my willingness to go or not , I would be gone next moment . In that moment , I imagine myself to feel guilty about the heart I broke , happy about the smile I brought on a face , sad about the moment I should have told my mother I loved her but did not , proud of the moment I believed in someone and stood by him , happy about the times I spent laughing with my friends , grateful for the moments somebody knew me as I am and accepted me , heartbroken about being a daughter lesser than a daughter I should have been . And just experiencing a little of that moment by writing about it , I am shocked by how easily do I forget what really matters ...
Kitni choti choti baton par senti ho jaati hoon main ! I mean , how easily do I forget that I am going to die and a lot of stuff doesn’t really matter . How easily do I forget that however blind I may try to be to my reality , that moment will thrust the sum of deeds in my face without leaving me with an escape route . How easily do I allow myself to lose perspective and be drowned in the useless ego fights , pointlessly hurting the very people I love , choosing not to express my love just because I think I can do that later , Bahut time bacha hai soch soch ke…. How easily I forget the impending arrival of that last moment , and as a result , how easily I forget what really matters during the moments I have between now and that moment . How easily do I let myself be scared by the insecurities of a life unknown and continue to suffer a situation I don’t enjoy when that moment will snatch away whatever fake securities I build around myself . How easily I shut up my heart and listen to all the voices around me , when in the end , the only voice I will have to hear is the voice of my heart . How easily I forget death , and thus , how easily I forget how to live . I mean , sometimes I really need this perspective check and get out of the holed up thinking and view life in a more cool manner ...
Broken promises I think about now… my God… I wll soon be registered to Guniess book of records for “Maximum promises Broken”
Me to my Mom: Yes mom… we will pakka go out this weekend… (One promise down)
Me to my dad… Yes Dad .. I will try coming home early today (Another goes down)
Me to my Bro: Yes Bro… lets just sit down and talk (Yet another goes in the drain)
Me to my friends : Yeh surely we will catch up someday ( And the day never comes )
List goes on…
Yeah I will call you back… Right now in a meeting…
Yeah I will reply to your email “soon”… that soon never comes….
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List of my “Broken Promises” … does it match with yours too …. : )
We have taken people in our life for ease… be it a friend you know for ages… or a friend just a day ago…. Ye log kaha jaa rahe hai… they will always we there… right now other priorities are at stake… and what are those priorities… my work… my job… my boss… my onsite… my home loan… my new flat… my car loan… my investments… list here also goes on… and will go on till you meet the moment called “Death”…
“Life” is nothing but these little moments people… its right here.. this very moment… the moment which just passed by just a sec ago while you are reading this blog… its not in the future unseen… its not in tomorrow… its made up of these little tiny miny moments we live each day… don’t wreck it… Keep your little promises you make to people… don’t take people in your life for granted… maybe you know these people since ages or for a day or so… but they matter… don’t let go of them… Do it before Life let goes of you…
___________________________Rashmi(23rd January,2011)
Ps: I know Sunday morning is not good a time to think of a topic as serious as death… But the discussion with my friend just made me think this deep… Chalo time for some cooking shooking… mom dad not in town :( … so bro wil have to bear with my cooking…. ;) …. Yeah yeah… stop laughing now… I am not that bad a cook yaaronn… ;)…
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